2012 is the 22nd year since I was born, which has become the most important year over the past years.
Right before the new year, I chose some keywords to summarize my 2012.
DREAM
Everything happened to me in 2012 is related to the word dream. In other words, what I've done is for finding my own dreams. Unfortunately, I have been failing. I guess it would be a great dream to figure out what I am dreaming of.
I don't think dream is isolated. It is related to the material world and limited to the laws of physics. Meanwhile, it gives us hopes, which also gives us the destination.
Looking back to 2012, dreams of mine formed and broke. I once had an American dream at the beginning of 2012. But then I came back to the old dream. After that, my expectation were changing and changing, and finally dying away after my decision of PhD.
In my dictionary, I regarded dreams as my life targets, which means that I've been searching where I should go up till now.
REALITY
Dreams broking is always based on the cruelty of reality.
In 2012, I traveled over 10 thousand kilometers, living in different cities. Too many things happened in this year, making me think carefully how to face the reality that is far from the dream.
I enjoy my life, days with friends, walking alone, and doing geek things. But when I am free, I cannot help thinking where I am toward. I am upset when doing so, because of the huge gap between the reality and the dream. I am trying to fit it, which made me ascetic.
CHOICE
Every time I adjust myself it comes with a difficult choice.
In 2012, I made several choices which may influence my whole life, and some of them may make me regret.
The first wave of important choices was in April. I chose to refuse someone temporarily, to give up, to wait, and to do my PhD.
The second wave was in September, in which I set up some goals.
I don't where they may lead to, but these choices made my life colorful.
I was walking these days, choosing some music with me. Songs like Bach Cappuccino effectively calm me down, making me being in a sunshine afternoon.
TAIWAN
July 9 - August 20, Taiwan.
The trip to Taiwan gave me a chance to get contact with Taiwan. Being there, I had new answers to many questions. I also found something good there, and wanna keep the good manners. But the flying time and the reality made it impossible.
I met some people during the 40 days. The relationship and friendship with them will be a great treasure in my life.
RESPONSIBILITY
Responsibility becomes more and more important as I am growing up.
In 2012, I was no longer responsible for some groups, but now responsible for others. These responsibilities come from the campus, the life, and my own. After all, they are my choices.
Dream gives me the direction to go. Responsibility let me know the meaning of the life. Because of responsibility, I have to face the life truthfully, no matter how bad it is.
INTROSPECTION
The philosopher Plato said, "…why should we not calmly and patiently review our own thoughts, and thoroughly examine and see what these appearances in us really are?"
In 2012, I often introspect myself when facing choices. And I got a preliminary conclusion:
I am anxious for the uncertainty of my future. But to be deeper, the obstacle in front of me is that I do not like to change. In many cases, I wouldn't choose the best option, but I would choose the second best choice because of its cost-effectiveness. And the problem happens then, which is that I do not change no matter whether it is correct.
I am making efforts to get away from the fate of Sisyphus, but I still need time to make it. However, some things are too hard to be changed.
EPILOG
2012 is almost over. May everyone find his or her way to live with happiness.
Thanks anybody who cared me or helped me!